Invisible Longing

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Do I belong,
Something I’ve battled for so long,

It comes in waves.

No matter how welcome I am.
No matter how much people care for me,
No matter how deeply they love me,

No matter how merry I am
Deep down, I feel like I don’t belong.

I feel invisible.

It’s a paradox.

One that I wrestle with silently, over and over.
The greatest irony?
This feeling — this quiet exile —
only brings pain to the very people who love me the most.

And yet, I can’t seem to shake it.

I hope none reads this,
For this isn’t an act of valor,
But it’s painful to feel this way —
To stand among people
and still feel like a stranger to yourself

I have a million reasons why I feel this way,
But none of them matter,
Crystal doesn’t ease the ache,
And the crystal lives in the past —
A dungeon I can’t go back and destroy,

All I have now is myself, and my existence,
Still here,
Still searching,
Still hoping,

I hope I belong someday —
in a kind future,
at a kind place,
with my people
I hope.

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